can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
