I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
