her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
