I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
