i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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