Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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