Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
