WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
