I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im holly from the hills drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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