I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
