I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
