1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
