We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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