I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
