So drunk its hurt
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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