Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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