Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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