Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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