We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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