if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
