is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
