By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i believe in u and ur pee
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
