so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The best revenge is premature balding
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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