It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
