He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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