So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
