Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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