So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
