I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
