I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
