Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
