I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
