i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Welp...herpes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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