how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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