I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
