Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
