You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
