Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
