Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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