Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
