I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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