even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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