When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
please come you make the beer taste better
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
