I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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