Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
where are my eyebrows?
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