No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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