the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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