Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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