Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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