How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
